The Fallen Man
by thestarsarefalling
Summary: Castiel Novak, a man who was always content with being in the background, was enamoured with Dean Winchester the moment he saw him but never found the courage to act on his feelings. Dean, a well-known ladies man, is slowly and secretly dying but is trying to make the rest of his life worthwhile. This story is about love, jealousy, and sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

For the most part, Castiel tolerated Gabriel's decision of dragging him out to clubs. Besides finding it difficult to be be sociable in situations that permitted shouting over the music in order to communicate, he just never found himself to be the life of the party. Gabriel, on the other hand, thrived in these sorts of situations and wanted his younger brother to take after him in that respect. On this particular night, however, Castiel had never hated his brother more.

"Here you go, bro," Gabriel pushed a fourth drink in Castiel's hand.

Castiel narrowed his eyes before taking a cautionary sip – it was a gin and tonic. Castiel took a larger gulp of it when he realized that it wasn't some insane drink with ten different types of alcohol in it like the previous three.

"Good, you need to loosen up," Gabriel nodded. "You gotta let the stress go, Cas. We'll do some shots later, okay?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and started to turn around, but he accidentally bumped into a girl who then spilled her drink on him.

"Oh my god! I'm sooooooo sorry!" the obviously drunk woman, who was probably ten years younger than Castiel, began dramatically apologizing and started to dab Castiel's shirt with her dirty napkin. "Let me buy you a drink."

"No, that's totally fine," Castiel turned away from her and looked at a laughing Gabriel. "I'm going home. You know this isn't my scene. I'm thirty, Gabe. I'm too old for this shit."

"No!" Gabriel grabbed a hold of Castiel's upper arm. "It's New Year's Eve. You have to stay. And this will make up for your boring ass birthday party you had."

Castiel began to groan, but Gabriel interrupted again, "it's ten minutes to midnight. Stay for ten minutes?"

"Fine," Castiel relented. "I need to clean this off."

Castiel immediately retreated to the bathroom. It was dark in the club, so it was hard to see that the drink that the woman spilled on him was red. Combined with the dirty napkin that had her lipstick on it, it looked to be quite a stain. He sniffed it and realized that she probably spilled a Cosmopolitan on him. Great – he was going to smell like vodka for the rest of the night. He dabbed at it with a wet paper towel, but it didn't help whatsoever. A man burst through one of the stalls behind Castiel and headed for the sinks. He took one look at Castiel and raised a brow, but Castiel was focused on the increasingly annoying stain.

"Cosmos?" the man gruffly asked.

"Probably," Castiel politely responded without looking at him.

"Hey, don't I know you?" the man said, now facing Castiel.

Castiel looked up and tilted his head – he did know the man, and then his stomach dropped.

"Castiel, right?" the man gave him a crooked, but genuine smile.

"Yeah," Castiel furrowed his brow. "Hello Dean."

Castiel immediately felt himself reddening, but thanks to the dim lighting in the bathroom, it helped hide his embarrassment. He didn't expect to see Dean Winchester at the Comet, nor did he expect to see a trail of lipstick marks on his neck.

"It's good to see you man. You gonna go to Charlie's birthday next Saturday?" Dean referred to Charlie, his friend working in IT, and an acquaintance to Castiel.

"I don't know," Castiel responded in a daze, just remembering the e-invite forwarded through the company.

"You should. A lot of us are going to be there. It'll be fun!" a very tipsy Dean clapped Cas on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go back out. See you soon, eh?"

Castiel could only sheepishly nod as Dean gave him another smile. Once Dean was out of the bathroom, Castiel leaned with both hands on the counter for support. He closed his eyes. Three years ago, Castiel found himself sitting in front of Dean Winchester and two other people. They were interviewing him for an office job, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of the man with the greenest eyes he'd ever seen. Castiel must have made some sort of impression on the human resources manager for Dean Winchester remembered his name on the eve of the coming new year. Since then, Cas only saw Dean at the annual office parties, meetings that required HR to be present, and in the elevator. Castiel was unfortunately enamoured with the man even though they've only spoken to each other a few times.

"Hey! Come and get a move on. There's less than three minutes till it's 2014!" Gabriel stuck his head into the men's bathroom and called out to Castiel.

Cas took in a deep breath and followed his brother out onto the dance floor. Gabriel began to dance around Cas, cajoling him into joining, but Cas smirked and shook his head. All of sudden, the music stopped and everyone faced the DJ. A countdown began overhead on the massive screens behind. Castiel looked around the room as everyone began chanting the numbers.

"10 … 9 … 8 …"

"7 … 6 … 5 …!" Gabriel was shouting.

"4 … 3… 2…1…"

"Happy new year!" Everyone simultaneously shouted.

Castiel turned to wish his brother a happy new year, but Gabriel was preoccupied with the brunette he was kissing. An overexcited red head grabbed the back of Castiel's neck and pulled him in for a kiss, and then she moved on to another person. Cas rolled his eyes and cursed the new years tradition. A finger tapped on his shoulder. He turned around and found his lips on another. It was a mere peck that lasted less than two seconds, and Castiel was about to remark something about personal space when the man lingered for a second, until he realized that he recognized the green eyes.

"Uh, happy new year," Dean looked a bit shell shocked when he realized who he kissed and so he made a mad dash out of Castiel's space and back into the crowd.

Castiel stood frozen in that spot until he realized that Gabriel had replaced the spot in front of him. Looking around, Dean was gone and for a moment, Castiel thought that he had hallucinated the whole thing and that the alcohol in his system was playing tricks on his mind, but Gabriel's next comment shocked him back to reality.

"Are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost."

"Uh …," Castiel had no words and he felt a bit wobbly.

"Man, you really are a lightweight," Gabriel remarked. "Maybe it's time to get you home."

Castiel felt him being dragged away and out onto the street. His eyes went immediately to a couple of people entering a cab. Of course, Dean Winchester was entering, followed by two young women clearly swooning over his muscular physique and killer eyes. Perhaps Castiel did imagine the whole thing – it wasn't like it was the first time he daydreamed Dean's lips on his own. Somehow, he found his way home without Gabriel to accompany him. Eventually sleep overtook Castiel, and he fell asleep thinking about how he had admired Dean from afar, yet nothing ever came of it. Maybe this was going to be a good year after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – A Spent Invitation**

Castiel woke up with the horrible realization that he would be unable to face Dean Winchester again. As he recalled the memory of the previous night, he touched his lips and blushed, then felt crippling embarrassment. He was pretty sure that Dean Winchester was straight. He was also always publicly seen with a woman. Wasn't he also currently dating Lisa from the ninth floor? But what was last night about? Dean doesn't go around kissing dudes. Was it a friendly notion like how guys smack each other's rear to signal a 'good job'?

Castiel pushed his feet off the bed and stretched – the stench of vodka permeating the air. He looked at the damage on his shirt and saw the stain had mainly disappeared. Following his morning routine of jumping in the shower, having a cup of coffee, and then turning on his laptop, he thought about what Dean said last night. There was something about Charlie's birthday.

He scrolled through his inbox to find the email. It was sent a few weeks ago reminding the department that there would be a small celebration with cake during the day on the 3rd floor, and then something of a gathering at the Roadhouse. He liked Charlie, so he made sure to make sure he would get some cake and wish her a happy birthday, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to attend the party afterwards.

"_A lot of us are going to be there," _he remembered Dean saying

Us? Would Dean be going?

Perhaps he should avoid the party. Castiel started to redden when he remembered Dean's reaction to the unexpected kiss – he ran and ended up leaving the club with two women. Clearly, Dean didn't take that well, even if it was just a peck. Castiel groaned. He wished it never happened, as he was content with his adoration from afar and blissfully imagining a relationship with Dean was easier said than done.

Castiel sighed and got dressed, putting on an old t-shirt and sweatpants on. He had no plans for New Years day. Besides Gabriel, the only family he had were his parents and they weren't quite accepting of his sexual orientation. Other than that, he had a few friends he could call and wish a happy new year.

Otherwise, the rest of Castiel's day went by in a blur, though he did occasionally think of the kiss.

* * *

Dean stared at his apartment ceiling for a good ten minutes trying to recount last night's events. The overall feeling of being hungover kept him in bed. He was pretty plastered from all the drinking. It was easier to question what he didn't remember: how did he get home? Why did his bed sheets smell like perfume? What time did he come home? Were all his things accounted for? Was his brother home? But he eventually moved on to what he did remember. He got to the comet at about 10 with Sam but the super trendy nightclub was already pretty packed due to the fact that it was New Years Eve. He remembered downing what seemed like ten drinks, dancing with these two women (and he supposes going home with one of them), challenging Sam to a dance off, ending up in the bathroom puking the drinks he drank, running into blue-eyes…

Castiel. Castiel … Novak? That was his name, right? Blue-eyes was the secret nickname that Dean gave him the moment Castiel interviewed for the accounting position at the company.

Dean shut his eyes and tried to remember what they were talking about. He laughed when he remembered that Castiel was trying to get rid of the stain caused by a cosmo. After that, he couldn't remember what they spoke about. Knowing him, he either said something really generic, or really stupid.

Oh god, he remembers Sammy coming up to him with a tray of shots and a stupid grin on his face. He only managed to down five shots before they began the new years countdown. Following Sam to the bar, he caught a glimpse of Castiel among the crowd. That ended up being the last thing he could recall before completely blacking out and later waking up in the morning.

Dean heard a groan coming from his living room. Pushing himself up and using various pieces of furniture to steady himself, Dean found Sam lying face down on the ground just two feet away from the couch. Dean scoffed and lightly kicked Sam.

"Go away," Sam moaned.

"Get up, bitch," Dean rubbed his forehead.

"Jerk," Sam spoke into the carpet, but managed to roll himself onto his back so that he could laugh.

Dean chuckled. He hadn't had this much to drink, or this much fun in months. He hadn't seen Sam this genuinely happy for so long. At least, not since the doctors told Dean that he was dying. He remembered that day. It was not even ten months ago. They said he had less than 10% chance of surviving it and that he'd have maybe nine months. The doctors could only keep him comfortable with the medicine they prescribed, but there would come a time where he would eventually end up in the hospital with massive organ failure. He only told Sam. He considered telling his parents, but to see them fall apart at the thought that their son would die before them made him sick. Sure, it was exactly a good decision, but it wouldn't matter after he was dead. So Dean took a two-month holiday from everything and took a whirlwind trip around the world, but found that he just couldn't stay away from his family and friends, so he resumed working to keep up appearances, and to give him something of value to do.

For Dean, it was definitely worth celebrating the fact that he made it past nine months and into 2014. But there would always be that small black shadow of danger lurking in his mind, and knowing that he could drop dead at any moment scared the shit out of him.

"What do you want for breakfast, man?" Dean kicked him again.

This was enough to elicit a response from Sam as he jumped up and dashed towards the washroom. The sound of the giant man hurling into the toilet made Dean wince. He shook his head and began rifling through his kitchen for food. After flushing, Sam made his way to the kitchen, looking slightly better than before.

"So, Dean," Sam got his brother's attention. "Are we going to talk about last night?"

"What do you mean?" Dean cracked an egg over his skillet. "Last night was pretty awesome."

"Yeah, sure," Sam clasped his hands together. "But I mean, right after the countdown…"

Dean turned around, "right, what happened after that? I think I blacked out. Did I come home with a chick?"

Sam raised a brow, "oh. Um, alright. Yea, two of them."

Dean was now suspicious, "Sam, spit it out."

"No, it's fine. You blacked out, so it doesn't matter!" Sam tried to let the conversation die off.

"I swear to god, Sammy, if you don't tell me," Dean threatened. "I will make your morning miserable."

"Remember Castiel?" Sam relented. "You said you interviewed him. And we usually see him at the office? You always mention that he enjoys staring at you with his ridiculously oceanic eyes when he thinks you're not looking? I've caught you staring back."

"I did not say that they were oceanic. They're just ridiculously blue," Dean blurted. "But yeah."

"Well, you sorta," Sam shrugged. "Kissed him. Last night. At midnight."

Dean's face dropped, "what."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Let's Drink**

"You have got to be kidding me," Dean's headache was coming back once he learned of his kiss. "You promised me you would stop me from doing anything stupid."

Sam raised his hands up defensively, "it looked like you were just going to say hi, maybe wish him a happy new year. How was I supposed to know you were going to plant a big one on him?"

Dean scrunched his face in embarrassment, "oh, god."

"Was it any good?" Sam laughed.

"Shut up, Sam," Dean rubbed his eyes.

"Come on, you can't deny you've been wanting to," Sam stuck a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

"I tell you I think he's attractive, and you go and interpret this as me having a hard on for the guy?" An irritated Dean drank his coffee.

Sam eyed him curiously, "well with the amount of staring, I'm surprised you don't. It's not like it's the first guy you've ever liked, and yet you're acting like a little girl who just learned of her first crush. I wonder what Lisa would have thought."

Dean huffed and they both ate their breakfasts in silence. Sure, Dean found Castiel quite attractive. That gravelly voice, the unruly hair that just screams sex, and those fucking eyes. But nothing could ever come of it, and his impending death was the reason why he was single. His last relationship was with a Lisa Braeden. Lisa was … fantastic, but that was it. He was sure that they were in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Were they in love? Dean surmised that they weren't. Dean couldn't exactly imagine spending the rest of his life with her anyways, not that it was the problem – he didn't exactly know how long of a life he had left. Lisa didn't know of his death sentence, and he didn't tell her that that was the reason they needed to break up. There was also another problem: Lisa didn't seem to think that breaking up was a good idea, and would try very hard to get back together with Dean.

"You know what?" Sam perked up. "You should have seen his face."

"Sam, stop talking," Dean was seriously considering punching his brother. "I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast."

"He was frozen. Completely shocked," Sam pointed out. "Maybe he doesn't like you after all. Maybe all the staring is just one of his quirks."

"Seriously?" Dean looked at his brother with a disappointed face. "Drop it."

_Two days later …_

Like the day before, Castiel was hoping that he wouldn't run into any of the Winchesters, but his main focus was avoiding Dean. It was hard when they all started work at the same time, so there was the possibility of ending up in the same elevator, but Castiel planned ahead and came to work half an hour early. He did this for the Thursday back, but knowing that Charlie's birthday was today made him nervous.

Castiel made his way to his cubicle. He immediately got to work once he sat down, only looking up for when someone needed help. This proved to be a really good distraction until about midafternoon. The alarm on his computer beeped, telling him that he was supposed to be on the third floor having birthday cake.

"Hey Castiel, you planning on heading down?" Anna popped her head into Castiel's cubicle.

"Yes, I am," Castiel swung around and got up. "Will you join?"

"Yep!" Anna smiled.

They walked down two flights of stairs to get to the third floor. There were already a number of people there, and Charlie looked slightly embarrassed at all the attention she was getting. Castiel immediately went to her and wished her a happy birthday.

"I hope that you all come out tonight. It'll be great. Pool, karaoke, alcohol," Charlie rambled nervously as the crowd grew bigger.

The attendees avoided singing happy birthday and they immediately went into cake. Charlie and Castiel began conversing about the party in the evening when someone caught Charlie's eyes. Castiel noticed that her eyes wandered and followed her gaze. Dean and Sam were heading for cake. Castiel nervously finished the rest of the cake and backed away from the group, trying not to attract any attention. His eyes went to Dean, who was preoccupied with talking to Charlie, but Dean's eyes had glanced over to Castiel and they had momentarily locked gazes before Castiel looked away in embarrassment. He turned away from anyway and headed back to his cubicle.

* * *

Castiel had nervously paced around his bedroom and living room before Charlie's party at the Roadhouse. He realized he was being foolish trying to avoid Dean – it wasn't like he could do it forever. He needed to find out what that kiss was about. Even if it was a joke, he needed Dean to say it so that he could quell some of the emotions he'd been having. He was sure that Dean didn't know of his real feelings towards him.

As the clock neared ten, he realized he needed some support, so he called up Gabriel. Gabriel was ecstatic when he heard his brother needed a wingman, so to speak.

The Roadhouse was situated a little outside the urban landscape of the city, but Castiel didn't mind. However, this was unlike Gabriel's regular territory of trendy nightclubs, so he felt a bit out of place. They got there a little after 10:30, and the place seemed pretty packed with coworkers and other patrons mingling about. Castiel found Charlie playing pool.

"Hey Castiel!" Charlie waved him over. "It's good to see you!"

"I hope you're having a good time?" Castiel made small talk.

"Totes. You gotta check out Dean, though. I think he's having an even better time," Charlie pointed to Dean.

Dean was at the back of the bar on a stage passionately singing to 'Eye of the Tiger.' He didn't even need the karaoke screens. Castiel started to smile. This was the man that Castiel was pretty sure he was in love with.

"Yeah, you're probably right. He looks to be quite inebriated," Castiel turned back to Charlie.

"Nah, he hasn't been drinking. He really loves that song," Charlie nudged him. "Let's get you a drink, hey?"

Castiel walked with Charlie to the bar, where he ordered a round of birthday shots for her, but she insisted that he down some as well. A crowd seemed to grow around them as they watched Castiel and Charlie simultaneously drink shot after shot. Dean even made his way to the bar to watch and was quite impressed at how well Castiel was holding in his liquor. With a really nice buzz going Castiel could feel his confidence growing, and talking to Dean later seemed less of an ordeal. He then saw Lisa snake an arm around Dean's waist. When did she arrive?

"Hey!" a tipsy Charlie was shouting in Castiel's ear. "Make a toast to me."

"Why?" Castiel laughed, grateful for the distraction.

"Because you make great speeches!" Charlie laughed. "And your voice is damn sexy."

Castiel looked at her and laughed. "If the birthday girl commands it!"

"Yes, I command it!" Charlie leaned on Castiel for support. "Toast! Toast! Toast!"

The crowd began chanting with Charlie, so Castiel slowly made his way to the microphone. Most people looked on with curiosity, wondering why this quiet man was making a toast. He didn't know what was appropriate, so he borrowed words from one of his favourite operas.

"Life means celebration, so let's enjoy the drinks and the beautiful night, the laughter, and the singing," Castiel looked over to Dean. "Let's drink and let's enjoy ourselves. To Charlie, may she enjoy the night and have a happy birthday!"

"To Charlie!" everyone raised their glasses and began clinking it.

Castiel got off the stage and the rest of the bar resumed their activities. After chatting with Anna for a bit, Castiel went over to Gabriel who was sitting at the bar watching the karaoke.

"That dude loves his karaoke," Gabriel raised his glass to motion to Dean.

Dean was belting out "All Out of Love." Castiel couldn't help but to stare in amusement, but after this song, he needed to get an explanation out of Dean. All of a sudden, Dean sort of froze on stage in the middle of one of the last few notes. Nobody else seemed to notice as they were all pretty drunk, but Castiel did. Trying to focus his vision, to Castiel it almost looked like Dean was in pain. Dean handed his mic over to the next person, who didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Dean gingerly got off the stage and gripped his midsection, walking off into the men's washroom. Castiel followed.

"Excuse me," Castiel opened the door, forgoing any notion of asking about the kiss. "Are you alright? You looked like you were in pain on the stage."

Dean was leaning on the counter for support, a cold sweat breaking out over his pale face, and his one arm was still wrapped around his stomach, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's probably just the booze."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, remembering that Charlie said he hadn't been drinking, "would you like me to get you a glass of water?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks, man," Dean began to straighten up as the pain went away. "See, all better?"

"Alright," Castiel took a deep breath before talking. "Would you mind if we talked? About New Years?"

Dean's eyes went wide and a blush started to creep up on him, "uh, sure."

"What was that kiss about? You barely know me," Castiel immediately started talking, the alcohol in his system giving him confidence.

"It doesn't take a genius to know that you are attracted to me," Dean huffed, leaning against the counter. "With all that goddamn staring, I'm surprised you haven't had an aneurism."

It was Castiel's turn to blush, but this time his confidence drained a bit, and he resorted to looking at the floor, "Yes, it is true. Though it's a bit more than just liking you. I think I… love, um, you."

Dean blinked, unable to process Castiel's profession, and ended up resorting to saying something that didn't exactly help the situation, "Look, I didn't mean to kiss you. I blacked out and things just happened."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Dean looked at the floor wondering why the fuck there was damn butterflies in his stomach.

"I see," Castiel took in a breath. "Well, then, Dean. I suppose I will see you around the office."

"What? You're leaving?" Dean felt guilty knowing that he may as well have slapped the guy after his confession.

"I don't suppose I should stay for very much longer," Castiel replied, looking back at the washroom door.

"Can I at least buy you one last drink?" Dean stopped for a moment, wondering where that came from.

Castiel's lips turned up ever so slightly, and he was sure if he weren't drunk, he wouldn't have accepted the invitation, "sure. However, I would prefer not to have any cosmopolitans."

Dean laughed, "deal."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Happy and Ethereal**

Dean led the way to the bar with Castiel following close behind. The number of patrons and birthday guests were dwindling down, which worked for the both of them. They each took a bar seat.

"Hey Ellen," Dean smiled at the bartender.

"Hey Dean, what can I get for you?"

"What's your poison?" Dean turned to look at Castiel.

"Manhattan," Castiel tried to speak clearly.

"I like your style. Can I get two Manhattans?" Dean addressed Ellen.

"Coming right up," Ellen smiled.

They sat in an awkward silence and Castiel realized how tipsy he was. Dean, on the other hand, was stone cold sober, and this drink that he would have with Castiel would be his first of the night. Castiel looked around the bar. Charlie was still playing pool with coworkers that he identified as Ash, Jo, and Sam. Gabriel was chatting with some man that Castiel didn't know. No one was singing anymore. Finally, the drinks arrived. Dean drank it all in one gulp, but Castiel sipped on it, taking the time to really taste the woody nature of the whisky. A few moments passed by, and the alcohol began to affect Dean.

"Why do you like me?" Dean's question came from out of the blue. Dean would usually be avoiding a conversation like this like the plague, but he really couldn't understand why Castiel was in love with him, especially since he believed nothing prompted the attraction.

"This one last drink seems to come with much more than I expected," Castiel mentioned, awkwardly shifting in his seat.

"I just want to understand your feelings for me."

"How … logical."

Dean felt more embarrassment, "I just … I'm not the kind of guy that people fall in love with, okay? I'm a one-night stand kinda guy. I don't do good in relationships, and you're clearly looking for one with me."

"And how could you possibly know that?" Castiel looked at him in shock.

"Cas, you're not that subtle at all," Dean smiled at him. "We don't talk much at work, but when we do, it's actually pretty obvious."

Castiel's eyes flickered at the nickname and he felt a blush creep up. Knowing that everything was on the table and that Dean wasn't running away from a barrage of negative emotions made Castiel very, very relieved.

"If I wasn't this inebriated, I don't think we'd be having this discussion," Castiel looked at Dean, trying to avoid advancing the conversation.

"If I was that drunk, my vocabulary would be in the shithole by now," Dean laughed.

There was a small moment of silence between them.

"If I'm being honest with you, I don't think I know how to love. I don't think I could ever feel that," it was like Dean was breaking up with Castiel.

Castiel stared at him for a while, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, "Dean?"

"Yes, Cas?"

"Why do you keep putting yourself down?" Castiel tilted his head at the man. "Why do you see yourself so unable to fall in love? Do you feel as if you don't deserve it? You are dating Lisa, so something must be going well for you."

"We … we're not together," Dean corrected him quickly. "We broke up a few weeks ago."

"Oh, I didn't know."

"She keeps hounding me to get back together, though," Dean revealed more than he wanted to, but he couldn't help it around Cas – it was like he wanted to tell his life story to him. "But we can't."

Silence filled the air again. Dean definitely didn't want to reveal the nature of his health to this guy.

"After everything I just said, and if I told you that I could only offer you friendship, if I said that you should find someone else, someone who could love you back, would that change your feelings for me?" Dean asked seriously.

Castiel thought for a moment, "no."

Dean looked down at his drink, smiled, and then chuckled.

"What?" Castiel couldn't read his expression.

"You're a stubborn son of a bitch," Dean laughed. "What are you doing tomorrow? Or I guess today, in the afternoon?"

Castiel looked at his watch – it was apparently past midnight, "I do not have any plans."

"Cool, let's get coffee tomorrow. There's a place on the corner of MacGyver and 11th …," Dean stopped when he noticed the expression on Castiel's face.

"Why are you doing this? You said you didn't want a relationship," Castiel frowned. "I'd rather not have your pity."

Dean defensively shook his head, "I said I wasn't good at relationships, not that I didn't want one. The least I can do is be your friend, Cas. So coffee? 3 pm?"

Castiel tilted his head, like he always did when situations confounded him, "alright."

"Dean!" a cry from across the room caught both men's attentions – it was Lisa.

"Damn it," Dean spoke in a hushed tone.

Lisa began to make her way to Dean. Dean didn't know what she wanted to talk to him about – he did make it pretty clear the last time that their relationship would not resume.

"I better go," Castiel said quietly. "I'll see you later this afternoon, I suppose."

Dean nodded. Castiel immediately retreated to his brother, leaving the seat open for Lisa to take. Gabriel looked past the shoulder of the man he was talking to. He said a few words to him and then walked to Castiel.

"Ready to go, bro?" Gabriel asked.

"Yeah," Castiel gave him a tired smile.

"Who's that?" Gabriel motioned with his head. "Is that the 'All Out of Love' guy?"

Castiel turned to look at Dean, and they locked eyes. Castiel smiled at him, and Dean returned the smile.

"Yeah, it is," Castiel looked back at Gabriel. "Come on, before you get any ideas."

Castiel sat in his car as Gabriel drove them both back to Castiel's apartment. Castiel was starting to sober up and began to digest what Dean had said to him. So what if Dean wasn't good at relationships? Unless Dean outright stated that he hated him, there was nothing to be done about Castiel's feelings for the guy. He couldn't help it; it was human nature to love. To be loved in return, however, was something that Castiel didn't know would ever happen, and some nights, Castiel felt like it was eating him up, but on others, maybe he thought it was for the best. He'd rather be Dean's friend than nothing at all.

Dean sat at the bar with Lisa. She was talking about something to do with work, but Dean wasn't listening. He was thinking about Blue-eyes. He had a strict no chick flick moments rule, but he couldn't help the damn butterflies in his stomach or the warm feeling in his chest. Nobody outside his family had publicly declared their love for Dean. It was an odd sensation, but he liked knowing that he was loved. It was an issue, though, when he realized that he couldn't – shouldn't – return the feelings. He couldn't put Castiel in the position of watching Dean slowly die. Was being friends even a good idea?

* * *

Dean woke up with the same pain he felt at the bar, but this time, it had escalated about ten-fold. He immediately reached for the phone and called his doctor. The doctor asked for him to come in as soon as he could. It took about a half hour for the pain to drop down to bearable levels. First, there was a physical check up.

"So Dean, you mentioned that the pain is getting worse?" the doctor stood over him, feeling his abdomen. "You can sit up now, and you can put your shirt back on."

"Yeah, it's flaring up. I need you to amp up the dosage, or at least prescribe something stronger," Dean said, now in less pain than before.

The doctor nodded, writing down a new prescription, "You've managed to make it past nine months, but this doesn't mean you're home free. You are lucky that it is progressing slower than it usually does, but it also means that it may be more painful than we anticipate."

The doctor tore the prescription and handed it to Dean, "you may make it to a year, you may make it to two, but you may not so I hope you know that by now that you're one of few beating the statistics."

Dean hated when doctors and specialists told him that he was lucky that he made it this far, - luck had nothing to do with anything. If he were lucky, he'd have won a million dollars. Dean thanked the doctor and left the building, immediately going to his pharmacy. They told him that he could pick up his medicine in about half hour. In that time, Dean wandered the aisles at the drug store, thinking about picking some stuff up, but realizing that he didn't really need anything. He resorted to looking through magazines. About ten minutes into a car magazine, he glanced up to see a rather beautiful woman checking him out. Under normal circumstances, he would be talking to her, trying to get her number, maybe taking her out for a drink later, but this didn't happen and he just returned to reading the magazine.

Realizing what just happened, he shut the magazine. When did Dean Winchester ever turn down trying to hit on a beautiful woman even if it would never amount to anything substantial? He grabbed the nearest magazine to drown out his thoughts, and his hand immediately went to a men's magazine. On the cover was a man with very blue eyes. He stared at the cover, and Dean's thoughts immediately turned to Castiel and his godforsaken eyes.

How strange it was for Castiel to come upon Dean's life, the words of his love carved into Dean's heart. No man or woman before had such an effect on Dean, nor had he ever been so magnetized to anyone like Castiel. He recounted his last three years and realized he was too stubborn and too scared to make anything happen between him and Cas – there was always something, but he buried every single feeling he had for a long time. Dean looked at the time on his cell phone and realized his meds were ready to be picked up. As his feet automatically brought him to where he needed to go, he thought about love, and Cas, and relationships, and his life.

Would being in a relationship with Castiel be such a bad thing? Castiel, the man so watchful yet intriguing, who haunted Dean with just one look, could make Dean love and for the first time be loved in return. It was absolutely crazy, and yet the lonely, sick man was desperate for something to live for.

Dean found himself in his Impala, the small bag of medicine clutched in his hands. Knowing that it was nearing 3 made him nervous. Dean wanted – deserved – a little selfish. Whatever profound love Castiel was feeling, Dean wanted to feel at least some of it too. The torment of his pain could wait, he wanted to purge into the vortex of pleasure, into the abyss of Castiel's eyes and drown there.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Free &amp; Aimless

Dean was nervous as shit. When he was diagnosed, he had dug a hole and put all of his romantic feelings and emotions in it, hiding it deep below so that he wouldn't feel anything as he neared the inevitable. Now with Castiel just standing almost ten feet away from where Dean stood, the metaphorical shovel was digging up what he had buried long ago. It was a strange sensation – his heart beating abnormally fast, the nervousness in his stomach, and the overall warming feeling – but he loved it, as he hadn't felt this way for such a long time. He seriously couldn't get over the fact that someone loved him unconditionally. He also couldn't get over the fact that he was allowing himself to feel attraction. Dean could no longer deny that for three years feelings had been slowly developing for Castiel, even amongst the one-night stands and failed relationships.

Castiel was at the counter speaking to the barista. Dean made his way over and slid his way beside Castiel. The fact that he wasn't uncomfortable in Cas' personal space said some things about him.

"I'll get whatever he's getting," Dean smiled at the pretty barista.

"That'll be $9.89," she replied, and Dean instantaneously pulled out a tenner.

Castiel was about to object, but Dean shushed him and got their drinks and cookies. They took a seat in the corner of the coffee shop. Castiel awkwardly shifted in his seat, not really prepared for whatever this was. Dean couldn't help but look and smile at him.

"So are you just going to stare at me all day?" Castiel spoke first after five minutes of Dean staring passed.

"I could ask the same question about these past few years," Dean chuckled. "Those damn eyes of yours."

Castiel really couldn't get a hold of his blushing in Dean's presence. From near strangers to a coffee date? There was absolutely no way that Castiel expected for any of this to happen, but who was he to complain.

"I've been told it's a bad habit, so I apologize for that," Castiel said sheepishly. "My gaze seems to make people uncomfortable."

"No, don't apologize! If it hadn't been for your staring, we wouldn't be sitting here," Dean smiled and took a sip of his coffee. "So tell me about yourself Cas."

"Sounds a bit like an interview question," Cas chuckled. "Though it's fitting since it's how we first met."

Dean smiled wide at that statement, "yeah, I guess there's not much difference in getting a job and going on a date."

Castiel smiled back and for a moment, they just stared at each other as the world around them continued, but with that little statement, Dean and Castiel ended up sitting in that little coffee shop for a few hours just talking about themselves. They avoided talking about their personal lives for the most part, really divulging their musical tastes, and their preferences for books. There was a moment where they spent nearly half an hour discussing the possibility of a zombie apocalypse, and Dean was impressed with the logical plan that Castiel had created should there be one. There was laughter, some brief awkward moments, refills of food and coffee, and fluttering hearts between both men. A sharp and sudden pain hit Dean and it halted the conversation. Dean excused himself to go to the bathroom. Castiel gave him a look of worry before he left.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked when Dean sat back down.

"Yeah, just some stomach pain," Dean brushed it away and tried to think of something to change the topic, but nothing came to mind.

"Same stomach pain as last night? You should see a doctor about that, Dean," Castiel looked at him seriously.

"Yeah, I did, don't worry about it," Dean waved it off. "He prescribed me some meds."

"Oh, okay," Castiel narrowed his eyes a bit, but decided to end the conversation there. "Well seeing as we've been here for nearly three hours, and the fact that the workers keep glaring at us, I think I will take my leave."

Dean immediately stood up when Castiel did, "You know, I really enjoyed this."

"Me too, Dean," Castiel held out his hand for Dean to shake.

It was a bit too formal for Dean – he left the handshakes to business meetings and interviews – but he shook it anyways, "let's do this again sometime."

"Sure," Castiel smiled.

Castiel reluctantly walked out of the coffee shop not wanting to leave, but he had his brother and sister to entertain that evening, though he knew that Dean's eyes followed him out. He couldn't help but smile as he walked down the sidewalk to his car. He couldn't believe how much he liked Dean now that they spoke to each other and got to know each other. There was always the chance that the man Castiel thought he liked from afar was a douchebag in private, but this was not the case and for that Cas was relieved.

Dean lingered at the coffee shop a little longer before leaving for his car, desperately needing the medication. Earlier, painful spasms had taken a hold of his abdomen again and he rushed to the washroom so as to not worry Castiel, not that it really helped, and when he was able to tolerate the pain, he went back out. Now that Cas left he was able to pop some pills. Dean lied in his backseat for a while as the medication began to blanket the ache. To pass the time, he took his phone out. He missed a few calls and some texts from Sam.

_Where are you?_

_I thought we were going to meet up at 5_

_Dude, I drove by your house and you aren't there._

_Dean, answer my calls._

_You better not be in the hospital._

Remembering that he was supposed to meet Sam at 5 to discuss birthday plans, he looked at the time – it was just after 6. He hastily dialled Sam's number.

"Dean! Where the hell are you!" Sam was definitely angry.

"Sam, I'm fine. I'm in my car. Sorry, I was held up and totally forgot about today," Dean tried to apologize.

"You could have at least texted me! What were you doing that was so important!?" Sam tried to get an explanation out of Dean.

"Sam, I know you think that I was probably dead or some shit, but I'm fine. I've made it past nine months. It's going to take a bit more to kill me," Dean realized after he said this that it probably wasn't the best excusal to give to a worried brother. "Where are you, I'll come right now."

Dean heard Sam sigh, "I'm at my place now. I guess I can get Jess to save you some pie."

"Thank you, Sammy," Dean smiled.

When he arrived, Jessica was the one to open the door, "hey Dean! Don't you look happy?"

They hugged, and Jess showed him in. Dean wondered if Sam's wife knew that he was dying. Sam promised Dean that he wouldn't tell anyone, but he knew that Jess could pry it out of Sam. It didn't seem to matter anyways – she never brought it up, and the only real change in her behaviour that Dean could attribute to Sam telling her was that she was nicer to him.

"I saved you a big slice of cherry pie," Jess smirked at him.

"Jess, I wish I was the one who married you. You're too good for Sammy," he joked.

"I heard that," Sam peeked out from the kitchen and handed Dean a beer. "Come on, let's talk about your birthday."

Sam led the way to the kitchen. Jess went elsewhere to give Dean and Sam a space to chat freely without her hearing.

"So as long as we don't do anything too big, I'm good with whatever," Dean sat down.

"Turning 35 is a pretty big milestone Dean, especially for you," Sam took a swig of beer. "You only celebrate it once."

"What are you planning?" Dean was awfully curious when Sam ignored his comment.

"Promise me you won't get mad, and that you'll actually have fun," Sam looked him in the eye.

"Dammit Sam, I promise," Dean wasn't particularly happy that he wasn't consulted on his own birthday. Why did he think letting Sam plan it was a good idea?

"So, we start off dinner with some close friends and family, right?" Sam hesitantly started.

"uh huh," Dean took a swig – so far, so good.

"And then we come back here, where we'll set up my living room for a party."

Dean put his beer down thinking that the plan seemed a little too simple. It seemed like Sam was leaving certain things out and Dean was definitely calling Sam out on his bullshit.

"That's it. No surprises? No catches?" Dean looked at him seriously.

Sam sighed, "Okay, fine. The party at the end is themed, but you'll like the theme!"

Dean rolled his eyes and let his brother have some satisfaction, "fine. But I swear to god, Sam, if the theme is Alice in Wonderland or some shit, I will leave. I'm warning you now."

"Dean, you'll love it."

"If you say so. Now who'd you invite?" Dean moved on, curious to see who was on the invite list.

Sam took out a piece of paper he had in his pocket and unfolded it, "so for dinner, I have mom and dad, Jess, Adam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, Ash, and Garth. And then it was really open invitation for the party at the end. Was there anyone you wanted to add?"

"Well I know for sure that Garth can't make it to the dinner, so you can cross him off of that list. He might show up for the party afterwards," Dean hesitated. "And add Cas onto that list."

"Cas? Cas who?" Sam tried to remember if they knew someone with that name.

"Castiel," Dean cleared his throat.

"Castiel?" Sam looked at him, confused.

"Yes, Castiel," Dean looked away sheepishly.

A smirk was growing on Sam's face and it bloomed into a full grin, "okay."

Dean took the last few gulps of his beer and Sam wrote down some things before looking at Dean with a mischievous grin, "Now don't worry about anything else. I'll contact everyone else, though I don't have Castiel's number. Do you wanna invite him yourself?"

Dean's eyes widened, "uh, sure."

"Cool. Let me know if he can make it so I can make the reservation."

The sound of Jessica's footsteps walking down the stairs caught Sam's attention, her face showed mixed emotions of shock and excitement, "hun, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," Sam got up.

"Hey, if we're done, I'm gonna go home now. Thanks for the pie, Jess," Dean also rose from his seat and began walking to the door after saying his goodbyes to Sam and Jess.

Walking to his car, Dean took out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He put in Castiel's number at the coffee shop when Castiel went to go get some more coffee. His finger hovered over the call button, but taking a breath in, he pressed call.

"Hello?" Castiel's voice filled Dean's ear – it sounded just as good over the phone. "Who is this?"

"Take a guess," Dean said in a higher pitch than normal to confuse Castiel.

There was silence over the other end before Castiel replied, "your contact name is labelled as 'Cherry Pie.' I don't believe I know anyone called that. If that is a reference, I'm not sure I understand."

"Cherry Pie by Warrant? Really?" Dean used his normal tone, "Well, who told you that he loves pie today?"

Silence, again, "Dean."

"You got it," Dean laughed.

"You put your number in my phone at the coffee shop?"

"Yep!" Dean pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door to his Impala.

"Isn't it customary for dates to wait 3 days before calling the other party?" Cas joked.

"Well, maybe I didn't want to wait 3 days," Dean laughed. "I have a question to ask you."

"Ask away."

"So Sam is planning a little get together for my birthday with friends and family. I'm inviting you to join. Wanna come? It'll be on the 24th."

"Absolutely," there was some rustling on Cas' side. "Sorry, Dean. I'm entertaining some family right now. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure. I'll get Sam to send you the details," Dean smiled. "See you on Monday."

"Goodbye."

Castiel hung up with a smile on his face as he stood in his kitchen, and Gabriel managed to quietly sneak behind Castiel, clearly listening to the entire conversation. It was moments like this why he wondered he invited Gabriel for dinner. Anna, his sister, remained seated in front of the TV, but could still hear Castiel's portion of the phone call.

"What is it? Who's Dean?" Gabriel pried. "Is he a new squeeze? Can I meet him?"

"Dean?" Anna's eyebrow rose at the mention of the name. "You don't mean Dean Winchester?"

"Yes, Dean Winchester," Castiel answered Anna, but ignored Gabriel.

Castiel pushed past Gabriel and back to where they were sitting. Cas pressed the play button and they resumed the movie. Gabriel didn't like how he was being ignored, but he gathered that yes, Dean was Castiel's 'new squeeze.'

And Castiel didn't mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Rock On, Part 1**

After their little coffee date, they found themselves communicating more frequently. It started small. There were the texts and phone calls here and there, and then Dean would include Castiel in his lunches with his circle of friends at work, and Castiel would do the same. Both circle of friends saw a change in each of their demeanours, and when asked, they were cautious in not saying the words "relationship" or "boyfriend" because they weren't at that stage yet – "close friends" was what they were happy with. That was the road being travelled, so far.

Dean's protective wall against emotions and feelings was being eroded. It was so easy for Dean to fall so hard for Cas in the short time frame of merely letting him into his life. Now he was glad that Sam didn't stop him from accidentally kissing him on New Years, although he really wish he remembered it. He constantly thought about Cas and how odd this was. At first glance, Dean just thought the guy was weird, but really good at his job. And now … now it was different. Now Dean wanted to make Cas smile at all hours of the day, wanted to see those blue eyes light up. Sometimes, Dean would wonder what the hell was wrong with him – letting him fall in love, but that thought usually was replaced with something that Cas had said. With Dean's birthday right around the corner, he wanted to take his relationship with Castiel to the next step. He just hoped that Castiel was ready for it.

Castiel, on the other hand, was freaking the hell out. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea what to get Dean. He asked Dean point blank what he wanted for his birthday when Castiel was at a loss for ideas, but Dean was too goddamn humble and said that Cas' presence at his party was enough.

Castiel was currently in a mall, aimlessly wandering with his sister trying to figure out what to get Dean. Castiel and Anna got out of work that Thursday and were both exhausted, but there was hope that Castiel would find something perfect.

"So what did you say he likes again?"

"Number one, his '67 Impala," Castiel looked through the window of one shop, but moved on.

"So get him an iPod dock, or something," Anna bit into her giant pretzel.

"No way, he would kill me," Cas responded seriously. "He won't change his car for any reason. Doesn't let anyone else drive it unless it's an emergency, or he's blacked out drunk."

"So what else does he like?" Anna spoke between bites.

"Um, he loves classic rock, likes watching Dr. Sexy, M.D. , he said something about really loving movies," Castiel rattled off what he remembered from their conversations.

Anna grabbed Castiel's upper arm, "I have an idea, follow me."

Anna led the way to a little shop in the corner of the mall that no one went to. It was filled with all sorts of things – movies, music, posters. They began looking through the various memorabilia that the store housed, but Castiel wasn't sure what to get. There was too much to choose from. Defeated, he found Anna standing in front of the cashier counter.

"Are you buying something?" Castiel walked up to Anna.

"No, but look at that!" Anna pointed above the counter and at the wall.

Hung up on the wall were the more expensive memorabilia – signed clothes, records, and guitars among others. Castiel caught his eye on a signed guitar, but thought that Dean would object, and would certainly reject the gift if he knew it cost well over $3000. Cas' eyes wandered over to the next thing. It was modest in price, about $400, wouldn't take up too much wall space, and it wasn't as ostentatious as the guitar. Dean would love it.

"Can I help you guys with anything?" the clerk walked up to Anna and Castiel.

"Yeah, I'd like to purchase that," Castiel pointed. "And wrapped, if possible."

"Totally, let me just get a ladder," the clerk smiled and went off to the back room.

Ten minutes later, Castiel protectively clutched his purchase. After spending another $8 on a birthday card that suited the present, Castiel was much more confident.

"I don't know about Dean, but if I was him, I'd ask you to marry me if I got a gift like this," Anna teased.

"We're … we're not even romantic," Castiel corrected her.

"Well, after he sees this, you will be," Anna teased him, making Castiel slightly uncomfortable at how much Anna was enjoying this, but the corners of his mouth turned upwards.

* * *

"What the hell, Sam," Dean said when Sam held up one of Dean's suits in front of him. "I thought you said we're going for dinner."

Sam was already dressed in his fancy suit and at Dean's house, "We are. Now shut up and put this on, or we're going to be late."

Dean rolled his eyes at him and started to undress, but Sam charged back into Dean's closet.

"What now!?" Dean said with his shirt halfway off.

Sam peeked his head out of his closet, "just need to grab some clothes for your after-party."

"Crap, totally forgot you said it was themed. What's the theme anyways?" Dean asked, now changing into a dress shirt.

"Rock and Roll," Sam said nonchalantly. "Though Jess and I are pretty lenient on which decade and what type."

Dean actually perked up at the words 'rock and roll,' "Make sure you pack my ripped t shirt and jean vest, then."

"Ugh, I can't believe you still have this," Sam held up the garments that Dean was talking about. "And a mullet wig, really?"

"Gotta have the wig."

"At least you'll match Ash," Sam laughed.

"Shut up, bitch."

Sam voice was muffled in the closet, but the word 'jerk' coming from him was heard. Dean was finally dressed and pulled Sam out of the closet. He draped a backpack over his shoulder and let Dean lead the way. They decided to take Sam's car, since Dean wanted to do some drinking.

They got to the restaurant on time, and headed to the private room that Sam had reserved for his birthday. Charlie and Ash were already seated. In a matter of minutes, everyone else would trail in.

Castiel was the last to arrive. He had matters to attend to at the office that kept him there later than usual. At the moment, though, he was debating whether or not he would give the present now or later. It was sitting in the backseat with his change of clothes for the party. He took in a deep breath, got out the car, adjusted his tie, and made his way through the restaurant with empty hands. Under the circumstances, he would be uncomfortable stepping into a room filled with coworkers and family he had never met, but Dean made him feel like he fit in – it helped that he had lunch with Dean's friends frequently, and they made Cas feel like a part of their circle.

"Hey Cas!" Jo was the first to spot him.

Castiel hung his coat on the coat rack and looked for an empty seat. He found one in between Dean and Jo. He took a seat down and Dean immediately clapped him on the back.

"Okay, everyone, some introductions!" Dean stood up.

Everyone watched him closely.

"These two people sitting in front of me are my parents, John and Mary," Dean smiled at them. "I've made them promise me not to tell any embarrassing childhood stories about me."

"Boo!" Jo threw a roll of bread at him as everyone else laughed.

"Now this here's Bobby," Dean nodded at him. "He's a close family friend. Good man, may be gruff on the outside, but he's a softie in the inside."

"Idjit," Bobby muttered.

"Most of you know Ellen, Jo's mother," she smiled, nudging Bobby. "She owns the Roadhouse."

"And then there's Adam, Ash, Charlie, Jo, Castiel, and Jessica," Dean went down the line.

"And me!" Sam piped up.

Dean mussed up Sam's hair as he sat down, "okay, good. Everyone knows each other. Everyone talk. Figure out what you wanna eat."

Castiel looked through the menu. It was surprisingly expensive, though he expected it since Sam wanted everyone to dress relatively nice. Castiel wasn't sure what to order – it all sounded really good. The waitress came in as Castiel cemented his choice.

"What can I get for you?" She asked.

"I'll get the filet mignon," Castiel looked at Dean and asked. "You're not driving right?" And with a shake of his head, Castiel continued. "And a glass of Johnny Walker Blue for him."

Castiel saw a few small changes in the postures of the guests sitting around the table. It looked like Sam and Bobby were impressed. Dean's parents, on the other hand, seemed to look like they were almost evaluating Castiel.

"Thanks, man!" Dean smiled his wide grin at Castiel. "Being an accountant must really do you well."

Castiel smiled and leaned in close for only Dean to hear, "I'm no longer an accountant."

"What?" Dean's smile dropped, expecting bad news.

"I've been promoted to financial controller," Castiel laughed, still disbelieving the news. "Got the news today"

"No way! That's fantastic!" Dean was genuinely happy for him.

The waitress arrived with the drinks that everyone else ordered and Dean stood up with his.

"Good news," Dean held his Johnny Walker Blue up. "Cas, here, has been promoted to financial controller today. I think a toast is in order. To Cas!"

Everyone clinked their glasses and congratulated Castiel. They made him talk about the new role, and Cas tried to make it sound interesting, though he could only do so much before everyone lost interest. Eventually everyone returned to his or her own conversations.

"Can I also add in something?" Sam stood up suddenly. "Besides getting a cool promotion, which is pretty sweet in itself, I also have some good news, though it isn't exactly job related."

Now everyone's eyes were on Sam. When Jessica was sure that she was recording everyone on her phone, she nodded to Sam.

"Mom, dad," Sam looked at them. "You're going to be grandparents."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Rock On, Part 2**

"What?" Dean was the first to speak. "Am I going to be an uncle?"

"Yes!" Sam grinned so widely, Dean was sure that his face would tear, "Jess is pregnant!"

There were cheers and congratulations and clinking glasses, and finally, John and Mary came out of their momentary shock to hug their son and daughter in law. Castiel shook Sam's hand. As the focus was settled on Sam and Jess, a dark thought began to invade Dean's mind – would he even be here in nine months? Would he even be able to hold his niece or nephew when that time came? Dean gulped the rest of his drink down, letting it warm his insides and briefly helping him forget that thought. He wouldn't let something like this get in the way of a really good day.

The celebration finally died down when the food came, but Sam and Jess were stuck in their own little world watching and re-watching the video that Jess took of everyone's reaction.

"I didn't know that filet mignon was wrapped in bacon," Dean leaned over to Castiel.

"Yes, well it most certainly is," Castiel took a big bite and chewed dramatically in Dean's face.

"Damn you," Dean whispered lowly.

Dean smiled as he returned back to his regular posture, but he noticed his parents whispering to each other and casually glancing at both Dean and Castiel. Oh man, there would be a talk coming soon, and Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. After finishing his meal, Castiel excused himself and made his way out of the private room. Dean wasn't sure if it was because of his parents, but this gave them the perfect time to talk to their son.

"Are you two dating?" Mary leaned close to Dean and spoke so that only the three of them could hear – everyone else was in their own conversations.

"Mom!" Dean looked back at the entrance, scared that Castiel might hear and freak – Dean felt like he was sixteen again. "No! We're just friends."

"You know that we're fine with you dating a man, right?" John now entered the conversation.

"Uh," Dean wasn't sure how to answer that.

"You seem very happy with him. And if being in a relationship with him makes you happy, then good," John added.

"Okay," Dean nothing short of speechless. "Thanks?"

Dean knew that his parents were raised in a traditional household that, among others, said that homosexuality was a sin, and Dean never really brought a dude home before – never really had a very long relationship with a man before either, at least not long enough for the guy to meet his parents – so he expected some ignorant homophobic lines coming from his parents, but it was luckily not the case. This was essentially the first time he was coming out officially to his parents. What he didn't know was that they always suspected.

"But we're not dating," Dean hissed, leaning closer to his parents. "Maybe."

Mary took Dean's hand and rubbed it, and that's when Castiel returned.

"I apologize for my momentary absence, just wanted to take care of my portion of the bill before you all pulled out your wallets," Castiel smiled. "Mr and Mrs Winchester, I've taken care of yours, Dean's, Sam's and Jess' bills. I guess that's what happens when you get a promotion. You get a bit money generous."

"You didn't have to do that, Cas," without thinking, Dean placed his hand on Cas' thigh.

"Well, I did, and it's done," Cas' phone started to vibrate in his blazer pocket. "Excuse me."

While Cas was on the phone with Gabriel, John leaned in and whispered to Dean, "He's a keeper."

Castiel tried to pretend that he didn't hear that, and the smile almost gave him away. Gabriel was calling about something that Castiel wasn't really paying any attention to. He put his phone away when the conversation died down. They had been at the restaurant for nearly two hours, and it looked like the other half of the table really wanted to get to the after-party.

Dean said goodbye to his parents, Bobby, and Ellen. Everyone else headed home to change, or to Sam's to set up the downstairs living area – Castiel was one of those people, and Dean was not. Sam insisted that Dean stay upstairs while everything was being set up. Dean passed the time by changing into his rock and roll outfit. Jess helped with his mullet wig, and couldn't control her laughter when an impromptu photo session broke out. Who knew that Dean Winchester was so photogenic?

When it was safe to come down, he was bombarded with people he didn't see at the dinner come up to him to say happy birthday. He eventually made his way to the actual living space. He smiled when he noticed all the cheesy rock and roll decorations, and the electric guitar shaped cake, though it was nice to have classic rock playing in the background. About thirty minutes in, the party was in full swing with everyone in some form of rock and roll attire ranging from grunge to punk to glam rock and back again. Dean realized that he lost track of Castiel's whereabouts. How was he supposed to take their relationship to the next step if he didn't know where he was?

Dean spotted Castiel exiting the bathroom, swiping his hand through his thoroughly sexed up hair.

"Holy shit," Dean heard him say out loud.

Was it getting hot in the room, or was it just Dean?

Walking towards Dean, Castiel was wearing a pair of slim ripped jeans, a Ramones t-shirt, and the most perfect fitting leather motorcycle jacket. Everything was just perfectly hugging all the right places and Dean didn't feel embarrassed looking. Now Dean felt stupid in his mullet wig.

"So … uh, the Ramones?" Dean stuttered, hoping Castiel didn't notice that over the other chatter in the room.

"Yeah, they're a good band," Castiel leaned in close to Dean's ear.

He smiled at the ground. Dean could not take it. The fucking voice and his appearance was too much. If it weren't for the fact that they haven't gone the next step in their relationship, and the fact that there were guests in the house, Dean would take him against the wall right now. Dean was so oblivious to everything else but Castiel looking smoking hot that he didn't even notice the tall, but thin-boxed shape gift that Castiel was holding to his side. Dean frowned.

"Dude, I told you not to get me anything. You already bought me a drink, and you basically paid half of the total bill," Dean looked at him and sighed, taking the gift in his hands.

"What's that?!" Charlie appeared out of nowhere, peeking over Dean's shoulder.

"I don't know!" Dean looked at Cas when he miscalculated the weight of it and gave him a look of curiosity.

"Open it!" Charlie cheered. "Open it! Open it!"

"Okay, Charlie. Calm down," Dean looked at her and laughed.

Dean walked to the kitchen with Castiel and Charlie in tow. Somehow, he managed to lure in his other close friends who were near to see the box, Sam included. They were all gathered around the table, and when Castiel wanted to shy away, Dean just pulled him back, placing him to his right. After reading the card, Dean ripped the wrapping paper off and looked at the box for any details of what the present could be, but there was none. Dean grabbed a knife and began to cut where the taped areas were. He opened the flaps and stuck a hand in, feeling the frame and eventually pulling it out. There seemed to be a collective gasp around the table as Dean pulled out a framed Led Zeppelin platinum record signed by each member of the band.

Sam started to laugh and Charlie held a hand to cover her mouth at risk of squealing at Dean's reaction. Dean's wide eyes, inability to speak, and blank face scared Castiel for about five seconds. Dean picked it up and then slowly lowered it back down.

"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, CAS!" Dean shouted, effectively getting the attention of everyone in the house.

Jo and Ash congregated closer to the record and stared at it. Everyone else was smiling, but Castiel didn't know if Dean liked it or not – the way he shouted sounded too neutral for Castiel to distinguish as a positive or negative expression.

"If you don't like it, I can return it, I think," Castiel tried to get Dean to say more coherent words than 'fuck,' 'holy shit,' and 'Jesus Christ.'

Dean immediately turned to look at Cas and he wrapped his arms around him. Cas didn't expect the hug and almost staggered backwards, but Dean had a very tight grip on him. The hug was so tight that Castiel could actually feel Dean's heart racing. He didn't let go for a while until Sam coughed.

"Cas," Dean held onto Castiel's jaw with both hands. "This is the best present I've ever gotten. Thank you so much. Holy fuck."

Castiel let out a sigh of relief after finally seeing the wide grin that made his heart happy, "you're welcome, Dean."

"No, seriously," Dean still hadn't let go of Cas' face. "_Thank you_."

Cas' face softened when he realized that Dean might not have always gotten the little pleasures like these. He was honoured to make him happy. Suddenly, Dean had a hold on Castiel's hand, clasped it tight, and pulled him outside. It was a chilly night in Kansas, being that it was winter, and none of them were wearing appropriate clothing.

"So, what was so important that you needed to drag us out in the cold?" Castiel asked, as it began to lightly snow.

"Yeah, didn't really think about that," Dean smiled.

They stood closely in the cold, shoulder-to-shoulder watching the snowfall.

"So, Cas," Dean started, and faced Cas. "Do you want to…"

"Yes," Castiel smiled.

"I didn't even finish the question," Dean's brow furrowed. "There's no way you could know what I was going to say."

"You were going to say something along the lines of 'Oh, Cas,'" Castiel acted very dramatically trying to impersonate Dean, clearly showing a side that Dean had never seen before. "'Will you be my boyfriend?'"

"You're an asshat," Dean laughed.

"You're an … assbutt," Castiel grinned widely, but found Dean's hand snaked around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

Dean let go and grinned widely, "What if I wanted to ask you if you wanted a taco?"

"Shut up, Dean," Castiel grabbed a handful of shirt and pulled him back in for a long, drawn out kiss.

The snowflakes fell down on them, tingling their skin with the iciness that came with it, but there was no greater sensation than the kiss that they shared.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – To Bliss

Cas pulled back from the kiss when he realized he couldn't feel his toes, "my toes are numb, Dean."

"Wait," Dean pressed another soft kiss on Castiel's lips. "One more."

Walking back in, Castiel went to find some tissue paper to blow his runny nose. Dean looked around and saw that most people who were staying into the wee hours of the morning had gathered around the karaoke machine in the living room, but spotted Sam elsewhere.

"Sam, are you alright?" Dean found his brother slumped in his chair in the kitchen, far from the commotion of the party, and far from anyone else to listen to the conversation they were going to have. "This is a happy day, man, cheer up! I'm 35, I asked Cas to be my boyfriend, and you're going to be a dad."

"I know, but that's just it, Dean. I just can't sit around, drinking beer, pretending everything's okay, when I know that you'll be dead before me. You'll die and …," Sam was pretty out of it and didn't even want to finish that sentence. "We need to do something, Dean. We need to find a cure again. We need to find something."

"Just because I'm dying doesn't mean I'm dead. Not yet, okay? I'm gonna fight this for as long as I can. We'll look for something," Dean looked straight into Sam's eyes. "I made it past 9, I can make it for a little more."

They looked for cures the moment he found out, but there was nothing being done in the world, no experimental surgeries happening anywhere, nothing in the works. Dean wasn't sure why Sam wanted to continue in the search when they knew they would find nothing, but if Sam would be happy doing that, then Dean had to oblige.

"Come on Sam, how can I turn that frown upside down?" Dean nudged his little brother.

Sam scoffed, and then smiled, "for starters, never say that again."

"Whatever," Dean laughed. "Do you want another beer?"

"Nah, I'm good. I think I'm going to have to start kicking some people out soon," Sam stretched his arms, but still stayed seated. "The ones sober, at least."

"Well then," Dean rose his bottle of beer in the air. "Here's to 35, to new babies…"

"To going to bed early," Sam added in.

"But to still kicking ass and taking names," Dean clinked his bottle with Sam's, and then chugged the rest of it.

Sam smiled, got up, took in a deep breath, and then yelled, "OKAY EVERYONE. I'M SHUTTIN' THIS PARTY DOWN."

Everyone who was still conscious stared at Sam and then slowly started to make their way out of the house. There were a few drunken stragglers unconscious on Sam's couches, but he didn't mind. Castiel came up to Dean.

"Are you staying here, or would you like a ride home?" Castiel was standing in Dean's personal space.

"Yeah, a ride home would be nice," Dean looked Cas up and down, still reeling over the outfit choice.

"Okay then, Cherry Pie, let's go," Castiel winked.

Dean blushed furiously when that nickname came up. Castiel was filled with unexpected surprises. Sam tried his best to hold in his laughter, but was failing miserably, opting instead to try and clean his house. Castiel, with his bag of clothes in one hand, led the way to his car. Dean carefully placed his present in the backseat. They were silent during the car ride, and Dean only spoke to give directions.

"How does it feel to be 35?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know. Like any other day, really," Dean yawned. "Except, it's better. So much better."

"Oh, yeah?" Castiel kept his eyes on the road.

"It's not everyday you get everything you've ever wanted," Dean turned his head to look at Castiel, whose eyes never seemed to lose the intense blueness, even in the dark.

Castiel smiled, "that's good. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"How old are you?" Dean asked, yawning again.

"39."

"Damn, now I can't make your 35th birthday as awesome as mine."

Dean saw Castiel make a face, and wondered if he hit a bad memory.

"When's your birthday?"

"August 20."

"You're gonna be due for a mid life crisis."

"It came early, about 4 years ago."

"Really? What happened?" Dean wondered, knowing fully that having a midlife crisis at 35 was not a good thing.

"My mom died."

"Oh, man, I'm…," Dean was about to apologize, but Castiel shushed him.

"It wasn't your fault, so don't apologize," Castiel glanced at him briefly. "She had an aneurism. Didn't exactly expect it, since she was pretty healthy. But by then she was hitting 70. It hit Michael the hardest."

"Michael?" Dean asked, then realizing that they never got onto the subject of Cas' family. Three weeks of getting to know Cas, and they never talked about his family. Then again, they hadn't had much alone time together, finding themselves in the company of others usually. Most of their conversation topics, when they had them, didn't poke at personal matters.

"Yeah, the oldest brother. Three boys and one girl in the household," Castiel smiled. "I think you might know my sister."

There was a fleeting moment where Dean thought, 'oh god, did I sleep with her?' "Really, who?"

"Anna, she works as the executive assistant to the marketing director," Castiel said casually. "Started, I think, a year after I got my job."

"That's your sister?" Dean remembered her, though disbelieving that they were of relation, though the memory of seeing a wedding ring on her finger explained the different surnames.

Castiel nodded, "and then there's Gabriel. You might have seen him. He was with me at the club on New Year's, and then I brought him to Charlie's birthday."

Dean shook his head, unable to recall anyone named Gabriel, so Cas continued, "It was a rough year after my mother passed. It didn't help that my father was already in bad shape. He had Alzheimer's. Didn't even know his wife died, but he knew he was married with all the pictures in the house of them together. I think … I think he might have died from a broken heart. He died just a few months before my 36th birthday.

"So I freaked, you know? Thinking about what the hell was I doing at 35 with my life. I wasn't dating anyone, no closer to settling down, and I saw that the lines on my face were starting to deepen. So I ran. I packed up my stuff, and left. Then I found Kansas, and it did help being so far away from home, and I did start feeling like myself again. I thought I would stay here for a few months, maybe more, and then make my way further West, as far away from Ohio as possible, but then I realized I was pretty much living off of my savings and quickly draining it as well. So I needed a job that would provide some sort of income, and lo and behold, my first search turned up with an accounting job opening, and I went to interview for it."

Dean gave Castiel a dumbfounded look, but all he did was continue with the story, "Now let me tell you, the guy who interviewed me. Damn! I'd never seen eyes like that. Couldn't concentrate during the whole interview, and thought I had screwed it up. But next thing you know, I got the job. Been working there for three years, and I had never forgotten about those green eyes."

Dean was taking that all in, "did you just turn your midlife crisis into a romantic story of how we met?"

Castiel chuckled, "I guess I did."

Castiel lowered his hands from the steering wheel, realizing that even though he managed to get through that conversation without crying, it still hurt. Dean realized that they had been parked right in front of his house for about ten minutes as Castiel was finishing his story.

"That's basically it," Castiel shrugged. "I mean, Anna moved around the East coast a bit, found a husband whose job incidentally took them here, and Gabriel is in Colorado, though he visits often. Michael stayed in Columbus with his wife and daughters. I wasn't really close with Michael, but I think he hated me for a while for being the first to leave and for breaking up the family."

Castiel spoke the last part quietly, ashamed and embarrassed for believing that to be true. Dean stared at him, seeing past the casual disposition that Castiel was trying to portray to him. He could tell that it still hurt Castiel to be separated from his family, and for his parents to pass away suddenly. Dean opened his passenger side door without a word, and with a confused look from Castiel, walked to the driver's side door. He opened it and pulled Castiel out.

"What is it?" Castiel looked at him worriedly.

Dean didn't respond. He just hugged him because he knew Castiel needed it. And Dean needed it too. Castiel experienced too much death within the last 5 years, and probably hadn't talked to many people about it. Dean pushed away the thought that Castiel would eventually have to add one more person to that list. When Dean pulled away from his boyfriend, he looked at him. Castiel looked emotionally exhausted, but was trying to hide it from Dean.

"How far away do you live from here?" Dean asked softly.

"About half an hour."

"Then here's what we're going to do. I don't want you to drive home tired, so you're going to come inside, I'm going to fix you some of my sleepy time tea, and then we're going to climb into my bed, and just sleep. Okay?" Dean held Cas' face in his hand.

Castiel nodded.

"Okay, good," Dean grabbed the keys from the ignition and put them in Castiel's hand, and then grabbed his birthday present.

Walking into his house Castiel and into the kitchen, Dean sat him down at the table. Castiel looked around as Dean busied himself and didn't expect to see the wall of books that went around the TV set. Nor did he expect the contemporary artwork lining the walls. The house itself was quite modern in its architecture.

"You have a really nice house," Castiel tried to make some small talk at 3 am, but he was pretty tired.

"Thanks," Dean said, pulling out a mug. "Sam hates it."

"Really?" Castiel was surprised at the statement. "Why?"

"He says it doesn't have a 'homey' aspect to it. Says it's too 'contemporary,'" Dean made air quotes to mock Sam. "What does that sasquatch know about style anyways?"

Dean also thought that Sam hated where he lived because it was too far from where Sam and Jess lived – and so Sam couldn't keep a watchful eye on him. When the water finished boiling, he poured the hot water in the cup, thoroughly drenching the tea bag. The smell of it made Castiel moan with happiness.

"I'm going to go and put this upstairs. You stay there and drink your tea," Dean picked up his present and walked up the stairs.

He placed the gift down at the foot of his bed, and then his eyes immediately went to the 15 pill bottles on his nightstand. He instantly grabbed them all up in his arms and stuffed them underneath the bed in a box. Dean looked through his closet for some clothes for Cas to wear to bed and found an old pair of pyjama bottoms that were too small for him, and an old Kansas State University shirt.

Walking back downstairs, Dean found Castiel asleep on his kitchen table. Dean gently shook him awake.

"Sorry, your tea seems to be quite effective," Castiel said, silently laughing at himself.

"Come on sleepy head, let's get you upstairs," Dean said, holding his hand out.

Castiel took it and followed Dean. Dean gave him the clothes. Castiel was either too tired or just didn't care, but he began stripping in front of Dean. He put the bottoms on, but left his upper body uncovered.

"I tend to sleep without a shirt on, if that's okay with you," Castiel said sleepily.

"Yeah, totally fine," Dean couldn't help but to stare.

He imagined Castiel to be skinnier, paler, and certainly not as fit. He was so wrong, but was happy to be mistaken. Castiel's body told Dean that he was a runner – what, with the tanned skin and toned muscles from top to bottom – and that he ran frequently. Castiel got into the bed without any prompt from Dean and quickly fell asleep. Dean eventually made his way to bed. He stared up at his ceiling for a while, smiling at the sound of Castiel lightly snoring beside him.


End file.
